It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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