Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
