I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sorry my hands just texted you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
