btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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