we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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