you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
