to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
