Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
