my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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