He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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