dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
