I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
