roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
