thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
