Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
