my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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