I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
