He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
