Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
