I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
