I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
