And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
