Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think people are normalizing furries
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
