i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
