I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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