Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
