I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
