I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
