She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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