I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
