i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
