You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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