Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
