We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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