Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Text me some of your sweat
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
