So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
