I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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