OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
