dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
