Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
