Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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