Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.