omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
