also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.