I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's not a walk of shame if you run