I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea