Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dating After Heartbreak
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.