Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him

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(702): View more from Nevada

So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

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(317): View more from Indiana

she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(972): View more from Texas

My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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(703): View more from Virginia

relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks

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(720): View more from Colorado

Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.

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