That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i now understand why vodka
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
