Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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