And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
