isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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