She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
