Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
