I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
