I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
