Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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