i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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