if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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