I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
