Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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