just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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