Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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