Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We have started to decorate penises.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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