My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
