Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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