420 ftw
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
