exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
