so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We don't watch enough power rangers
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
