Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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