If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
