I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
