oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
