For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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