I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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