Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
