I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize