i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
