I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
