matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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