Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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