wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize