So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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