i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize