cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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