a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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