i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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