I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
